From Darby’s Desk
Perspectives on performance, well-being, and the psychology of a life fully lived.
High achievement comes with complexity.
This includes the pressures of competition, the weight of perfectionism, the challenge of parenting driven young athletes, and the internal costs of always holding yourself to the highest standards. Few practitioners can speak to these subjects with both the professional depth and the personal experience that Dr. Bonomi brings to each of them.
Drawing on 35 years of clinical and Performance Psychology experience, Dr. Bonomi writes on the uniquely layered challenges of high performance, academics, athletics, and entrepreneurship.
She has helped hundreds of high performers get out of their own way, celebrate their achievements, and live the life they have earned.
Whether you found your way here through Unshrinkable, through the equestrian world, or simply because something in your life is demanding change, Dr. Bonomi is here to help you achieve higher levels of success and greater appreciation of your accomplishments.
Developing True Resilience: Think Like a Scientist
What if there is no failure, only data? Resilience has been a hot topic for years now—Brené Brown, Angela Duckworth, and Sheryl Sandberg, among others, have offered their perspectives on how to develop mindsets, behaviors, and systems to survive and even grow from our setbacks.…
What Judges Wish You Knew
Beyond the clipboard and radio lies a complex, fast-moving job. Licensed officials share insights into their role, responsibilities and how exhibitors can better understand what’s happening in the judge’s box.Riders and trainers frequently complain about judges and judging, but unless we’re a judge ourselves, do…
Getting Back On When Life Spins You Off
I fell off the horse yesterday. Literally. My old guy spooked, spun, and there I was: smack on the ground in the middle of a field. It wasn’t expected and it hurt—both physically and emotionally.What did I do? Well, I did what you have to…
Don’t Believe Everything You Think: The tangled mental web of disaster scenarios
Are you an overthinker? Do you get mired in a cycle of future-tripping, shaming yourself for perceived missteps, and rerunning disaster scenarios in your head? Do your looping thoughts keep you from moving forward? In our anxious, perfectionistic culture, many ambitious and driven folks find…
Rediscovering our Why to Find our Way—It’s All About Winning. Or Is It?
Have we lost our way?I have been in equestrian sport—as a rider, owner and performance psychologist—for many years. I have seen our culture change in really positive ways—and also not so positive—at least from my vantage point. Some of the changes are not unique to…
Championing the Best Horse Show Parents
If you stand near the back gate of the pony ring or a children’s hunter class, you are likely to hear some of the trainers complain about the hefty expectations and demands that riders’ parents place on both the kids and the trainers. Indeed, horse…
Sport and Performance Psychology: What’s in a Name?
People ask me all the time: what is a sport and performance psychologist, and how does that professional differ from other psychologists, therapists, and psychiatrists? And why do you refer to your practice as ‘performance psychology?’These are great questions. I’m going to give a very…
Body Image Woes? Beauty is as Beauty Does
Feeling dissatisfied with your body? It’s a common challenge for many women, even female athletes. Want to step out of that struggle? Let’s change your mindset. Put your attention on what your body does for you—rather than on how it looks. In other words: focus…
Mental Health Challenges of Show Riders: How Regular Competitors Stay Balanced
It’s no secret that being on the show circuit week after week is taxing—physically, mentally and emotionally. The days are long, filled with hard work, tension, pressure and emotion. There is the daily adrenaline rush and the fall; add in physical exhaustion, tension with or…
What is a Self Audit?
Want to create lasting change in your life? Consider starting with a personal self audit.A personal self audit is an annual personal performance review. It’s an essential practice for high performers to help assess if they are reaching their goals and if they need to…